Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Text me some of your sweat
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
