and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
