My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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