Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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