Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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