apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
