names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize