Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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