Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
