I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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