I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
