Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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