hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
