I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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