i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
