Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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