Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
