Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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