The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize