so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
