i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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