Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
