normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
