Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The struggles of a small town man whore
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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