I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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