Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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