I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
