he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
