Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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