the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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