also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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