I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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