im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
