I feel like abortions should bother me more
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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