Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
