You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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