her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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