Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
