i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
