just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
