i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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