i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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