how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
