Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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