go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
