I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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