big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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