I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
