Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
