dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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