i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
