The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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