there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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