if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
