Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
