He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
