Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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