I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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