Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up under a house in Key West
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