HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize