If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
