I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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