Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
