Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
