so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
