Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
