Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
